Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i just google imaged poop.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
