it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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