he wants to bone in the snuggie
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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