If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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