i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
