weddingsv make me drug and hornr
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
You need Xanax blowdarts
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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