do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
