Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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