her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
