The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
