btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Randomize
