I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
