I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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