That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I need water and some morals
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
