You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
