Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
