I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
