i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
