I look better un-naked...
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
