Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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