she woke up with a sticky ear
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
