if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
