Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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