capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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