I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
