she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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