There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
