So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
