don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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