Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
