i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
