so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
