I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
