All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
