dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
