I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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