eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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