He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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