Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
