You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
