hell yes lets make some ravioli
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
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