i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
My liver just had a heart attack.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
