Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
