I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
