this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I need to wash the frat house off of me
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
