she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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