If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
