For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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