She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Im part way to drunk.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
