Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
