I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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