Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
