dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
